“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
I’m going through a lot right now. My mom isn’t speaking to me. I’m starting counseling by myself and with my mom most likely. I’m in shock, to be honest. It’s scary and it’s hard and I’m trying my best to be the best version of me that I can be. Despite that, I feel betrayed. I feel like I’ve been lied to and I feel like a certain someone never actually cared about me. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I don’t know if I can forgive this time. I don’t know if we can get past this. Yes, I’m struggling. Yes, I’m a mess. But, I’m still the same person and a good person at that. I am trying and if you aren’t willing to be a part of the solution and part of my support system then screw you.
I don’t know where the time has gone.. You’ve been a constant in my life for 2 years now and I know that you will always be there for me no matter how much I change, no matter how much I grow. I will always be just me in your eyes. We’ve had our rough spots and our oh so very tough spots, but I know now as I have always known, you aren’t going anywhere. And that’s one of the greatest feelings in the world.
— The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.”
I made a mistake. I make lots and lots of mistakes. I do stupid things that harm other people. I say things I don’t mean to say and I do many things I shouldn’t do. The problem with this is what I’m doing is stupid. I wanted to fall and hit rock bottom, and I know I did this time. I reached the bottom meaning all I can do is go up. All I can do is rise from this. All I can do is make new promises to friends to keep me from going back down. I am more than my craziness. I am better than I think. I am trying to make a difference in my life. I’m making the change to see brighter days.